About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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