Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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