I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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