i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
