I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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