Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You dont lie about slip and slides
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
