Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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