fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
