He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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