I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
