I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
