my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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