he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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