she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's rum buckets o'clock
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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