Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
