remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
