I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
