I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
