i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
