There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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