I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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