I'm gonna have a badass scar
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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