okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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