Nicole vs. Life
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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