Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
