I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
