Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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