you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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