The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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