I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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