I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
