You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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