I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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