Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
