i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
