She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
