Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
