sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
