Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
