yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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