I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
