he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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