would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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