In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
