I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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