The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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