your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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