I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
