fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
