Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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