Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
