We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
