You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
