that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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