Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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you will always have a special place in my vag
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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