once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
