So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
