TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
