How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
