I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
