i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I AM VODKA MAN
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
