Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
