Are we in a gay sports bar?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
