Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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