just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
